☕ Lawsuits & Lollygaggers

Monday, July 27, 2026 | Edition #48

GOOD MORNING, WARWICK. Welcome to the final Monday of July, which means teachers and students are living their last moments of true peace before the "back to school scaries" start creeping in like a horror movie villain who's already inside the house. It's wild how the second the calendar flips to August-adjacent territory, some primal part of the brain starts whispering "summer's basically over" even though it is, factually, still summer.

But here's the good news: I went for a walk yesterday and I swear I could smell football in the air, like an actual pheromone released by NFL Films. A buddy texted me "you ready for football?" and I didn't even hesitate before responding: "My blood has fully converted to buffalo sauce at this point, I wake up every Sunday humming the CBS NFL Gameday jingle unprompted, and I've started referring to my den as 'the war room.'" I'm trying not to get ahead of myself here, truly, but six weeks from now we'll be digging hoodies out of storage bins and restocking on Aquaphor like it's ammunition. Enjoy this weathah while it lasts.

In today's newsletter, we'll look at:

⏱️ Sunset Time: 8:09 PM

🌊 Daytime High Tide: 7:06 AM

⛽ Avg. Gas Price: $4.13 (click here to find the cheapest gas near you)

☀️ UV Index: 8.0

☔ Chance of Rain: 20%

📅 On This Day: (July 27, 1949): The de Havilland Comet, the world's first jet-powered airliner, took its maiden test flight in England. It would go on to cut air travel time nearly in half, proving that sometimes the biggest leaps in history start with somebody just trying to get somewhere faster. Kind of like anyone taking a boat from West Bay to East Bay instead of the bridge. Respect.

Last week's Taylor Farms lettuce panic wrapped up with a whimper, the "positive" test that spooked everyone turned out to be a false positive, and as of this weekend, the FDA still hasn't found a single confirmed contaminated product. Taylor Farms is voluntarily keeping its central Mexico facility shut down anyway and running an independent food safety review, just to be safe. Federal health officials have now opened an investigation into a brand new, separate Cyclospora outbreak, 72 people sick as of July 23rd, and this time they have no idea what food is behind it. No product identified, no location confirmed, just an active investigation and a lot of question marks. Grocers are pulling anything under recall and reminding customers to wash their produce like their grandmother taught them. Rhode Island isn't even part of the official multistate outbreak count. So really, the biggest local casualty here is your Caesar salad order and one restaurant owner's sales numbers. Learn more here.

My wife and I were driving on 95 last week when a helicopter dipped low enough that we both had the same two theories: either there was an emergency landing about to happen right in front of us, or Tom Cruise was filming a stunt for Mission Impossible 47. Turns out it was neither. Those low-flying helicopters spotted buzzing the rail corridor are Amtrak crews inspecting the overhead electrical lines that power the trains, checking for problems before they turn into real delays. Routine infrastructure work, apparently, just performed at an altitude that makes every driver on 95 briefly reconsider their life choices. Also, yes, drones exist, and yes, we're all wondering the same thing you are. Learn more here.

Remember when a local pop star was suing her neighbors over noise? Well, "A Thousand Miles" singer Vanessa Carlton and her husband John McCauley just won the sequel. The RI Supreme Court ruled last week that the industrial site next door at 175 Post Rd. has to keep the peace, upholding a lower court's injunction against owners Artak Avagyan and Lee Beausoleil. The couple testified the construction noise from the property, an operation zoned Light Industrial but running like a truck depot, was "maddening" and "anxiety inducing" since they moved into their historic Pawtuxet Village home in 2021. The owners argued OSHA requires backup alarms on trucks. The court wasn't buying it, noting the noise went well beyond beeping. Now if only I could get that one camouflage pickup truck to stop blasting "Rocket Man" at max volume at 3 AM each night on West Shore Road, that would be a real win. If you know him, tell him the Warwick Wake Up is citing an unofficial complaint. Learn more here.

Former House Speaker Joe Shekarchi wants a seat on the RI Supreme Court, but first he has to get through a courtroom of his own. The Warwick Democrat is suing to stop a state Ethics Commission investigation into whether jumping straight from Speaker to the bench violates the state's "revolving door" law, and Superior Court Judge Richard Licht says he'll rule by end of day Monday, the day before Shekarchi sits down with the Judicial Nominating Commission. Shekarchi's team argues the Supreme Court counts as a constitutional office, exempt from the one-year cooling-off rule. The Ethics Commission isn't convinced. Even Licht seems resigned to how this ends, predicting the loser appeals straight to, you guessed it, the Supreme Court. Nothing like deciding your own eligibility one door down from the job. Learn more here.

If you’ve driven down Main Avenue lately, you know all about the road diet. Since switching from two lanes each way to one, the complaints have officially arrived. Drivers say the Buttonwoods Ave intersection has turned into a genuine test of patience, with some claiming they're sitting through two or three full light cycles just to get through during peak hours. Social media's been flooded with people venting about the new one-lane-each-way setup, and it's fair to say the honeymoon phase is over. RIDOT and Mayor Picozzi are still framing the trial as a safety win, pointing to the crash data that got us here in the first place. But ask anyone idling at that light around 5 PM and you'll get a very different review.

As a Main Avenue regular myself, I don't mind it. It feels less chaotic, more breathing room, kind of like loosening your belt by one notch after housing an entire Demo's Buffalo Chicken calzone for lunch. Yes, I've been there. But there's nothing worse than trying to get to the highway from your house and still being in Warwick 12 minutes later because of one light, so I get the outrage too. The trial runs through fall, when RIDOT decides whether the "diet" becomes permanent, so start budgeting extra time now. Learn more here.

This week, my wife spent a lot of time side hustlin', which helps explain the Amazon box that showed up on the front stoop. This one's a repeat purchase, something she's apparently bought in several different colors and now refers to as her summer uniform. Which got me thinking: my summer uniform is a pair of basketball shorts and a Comfort Colors T-shirt with a hole in the armpit and an EVOO stain baked into the stitching. Maybe it's time I start throwing some tees in the cart too.

👉 See what showed up here.

Lollygag (verb) | LOL-ee-gag | To spend time aimlessly, dawdle, or move with no apparent urgency whatsoever.

My dad hates a perpetual lollygagger. Someone who takes a full five seconds to lift their foot off the brake after the light turns green, like they're waiting for a personal invitation. Or the guy who plants himself directly in front of the coffee bar to read the entire sports section of the ProJo, then puts it back on the rack five minutes later, grabs a free coffee, and leaves without buying a single thing. In my dad's world, that's not just rude, that's a lifestyle. He's got a mental list of known lollygaggers longer than the DMV line, and he updates it daily. If you've ever held up a checkout line searching for exact change you clearly do not have, congratulations, you've made the list too.

Thanks to my dad, ("Blacky") for submitting today's word of the day! You can submit a word of the day yourself, here. I’ll be sure to include it in the next edition!

July 26 - August 8 | 🍽️ Providence Restaurant Weeks | Link | Providence area restaurants | Providence Restaurant Weeks is back for its 20th year, two weeks of lunch and dinnah specials, prix-fixe menus, and a good excuse to finally try that place you've been putting off. Check the site for the full list of participants.

Tuesday, July 28 | 💘 Speed Dating (Ages 20s-30s) | Link | The Social House, Warwick | Ditch the dating apps for one night and try meeting actual humans in person. Sips & Sparks is running a speed dating night at The Social House, a few minutes with each person, a quick "friend, date, or none" rating after each round, and if it's mutual, you both get each other's info the next day. Doors at 6:30 PM, rounds run 7 PM to 9 PM. No swiping required, just the mild adrenaline of small talk with a stranger and a two-drink minimum worth of confidence.

July 31 - August 2 | 🎷 Newport Jazz Festival | Link | Fort Adams State Park, Newport | The granddaddy of all music festivals returns to Fort Adams for its 2026 run, headlined this year by artistic director Nate Smith. Fair warning, all tickets are officially sold out, though a fan-to-fan exchange is running through DICE if you're still hunting for a pass. If you strike out, there's a full slate of satellite shows around town all weekend, Butcher Brown at Newport Blues Cafe, Monster Rally at The Parlor, so the music doesn't stop just because the main gates do.

🥬 Conimicut Village Community Market | Saturdays, 9 AM-12 PM through Sept 26. Free. Local vendors and a waterfront village to wander on a Saturday morning. Info

🌽 Goddard Park Farmers Market | Fridays, 9 AM-1 PM through October. Fresh local produce in a waterfront park. A solid excuse to be outside before noon. Info

📚 Warwick Public Library | Ongoing events each and every day of the week across all locations. Tell your kids to put the Fortnite down. Time for a story and a Capri Sun. Info

🏛️ City Council Meetings | Select Mondays, 6:30 PM, City Hall Chambers. Ordinances, budgets, and the occasional spicy public hearing. Check the calendar first. Calendar

That's it for today. Have a story suggestion, a tip, or just want to talk fantasy football strategy? I'm here for it. Just hit reply. Thanks for reading!

Keep smiling!